Finding Joy Amid Grief: Reclaiming the Holidays After Loss
The holiday season has always been a time of warmth, love, and cherished traditions. But when you’re grieving, that festive time can feel like a harsh reminder of what’s missing. I know this all too well. In 2022, I lost my fiancé, John, and that first holiday season was one of the most difficult periods I’ve ever faced.
That year, I simply couldn’t handle being home surrounded by decorations that would only remind me of his absence. Instead, I was grateful for the support of my family, who helped me escape reality on a holiday cruise. It was my way of running from the holidays, running from the grief—and that’s okay. Sometimes, escaping is exactly what we need.
The following year, I felt a shift within myself. I decided I wanted to “take back” the holidays. Although the thought of celebrating was still bittersweet, I wanted to create a space for joy alongside my grief. That year, I decorated my home—no Christmas tree just yet, but I did put up some ornaments. Each one brought back memories, especially the ones commemorating milestones in our relationship: our first Christmas, our first home together. I cried as I hung each one, allowing myself to hold space for my sadness. It was difficult, but it was also part of my healing. I learned that giving myself permission to feel whatever came up was, in itself, an act of resilience.
Now, this holiday season feels different again. I’m in a new relationship with someone who offers incredible support and understanding. My boyfriend encourages me to share memories of John and speak openly about my grief, and this has made all the difference. This year, I’ve decided to fully reclaim Christmas. I bought a tree, decorated it, and I’m embracing the joy of the season—building new memories and traditions that honor both the past and the present.
One tradition I’m looking forward to starting is a holiday craft night. I’m planning an evening with my girlfriends where we’ll make Christmas crafts, create memories, and share in laughter and friendship. I’m also looking forward to making ornaments with my boyfriend as a way of marking this new chapter. These moments of connection and creativity remind me that while grief is a part of me, so is the capacity for joy.
Tips for Navigating Holidays After Loss
If you’re facing your own journey through loss this holiday season, here are a few things I’ve found helpful:
Hold Space for Your Grief
It’s okay to make time to feel the sadness. For me, this can mean visiting the cemetery or setting aside a quiet moment to reflect on John’s memory. I sometimes call it “making myself sad”—an intentional time to cry, release emotions, and honor the love that still exists. Give yourself this time to acknowledge your grief and let it be a part of your healing.Take Small Steps Toward Joy
Reclaiming joy doesn’t mean ignoring your pain. Start small, whether it’s adding one holiday decoration, playing a favorite song, or creating a new tradition. The goal isn’t to “move on” but to make space for happiness alongside your grief.Embrace Each Year as It Comes
Every holiday season will feel different. Some years may be lighter, and others may catch you off guard with a wave of sadness. Try not to put pressure on yourself to feel a certain way. Let each holiday unfold naturally, and don’t feel guilty for experiencing moments of joy.
A Message of Hope
For anyone struggling this season, know that it’s okay to take the holidays on your own terms. You don’t have to put up decorations or pretend to be cheerful if that’s not where you’re at. Or maybe this year, you do feel ready to try a few new things that bring a spark of joy. Everyone’s path is different, and there is no right or wrong way to honor both your grief and your love for life.
Over time, I’ve come to see resilience as the ability to hold space for all the emotions that come up—the pain, the joy, and everything in between. By honoring my late fiancé, I’m choosing to live fully, finding joy where I can. In doing so, I hope to inspire others to give themselves the grace to feel deeply and to celebrate life in whatever way feels right.
This journey may not be easy, but every step you take is a step toward healing. Embrace the holidays in the way that brings you the most peace, and remember, you’re not alone.
