Making Space for Grief: Actively Participate in Your Grieving
The holidays can be an especially heavy time for those navigating grief. You may find yourself asking, How do I handle my grief during the holidays? How do I make it through this? These questions are incredibly valid, and I want to share some advice that has been deeply meaningful to me on my own grief journey: actively participate in your grief.
When we make space for our emotions and intentionally sit with them, we allow ourselves to process the pain in a meaningful way. This practice doesn’t eliminate the grief—it’s not meant to—but it creates room for us to experience moments of joy and connection without guilt or overwhelm.
How Do You Actively Participate in Your Grief?
Here are some practical, intentional ways to make space for your grief:
1. Plan Time to Connect with Your Loved One’s Memory
The holidays can feel like a glaring reminder of what or who is missing. Acknowledging this head-on can be powerful. Plan a specific time to visit the cemetery, light a candle in their honor, or create a special tradition in their memory. For example, you could cook their favorite dish or play a holiday song that reminds you of them.
2. Find Your Grief Buddy
Grief is personal, but that doesn’t mean you have to navigate it alone. Identify someone in your life—a close friend, family member, or even a therapist—who can be your “grief buddy.” This is someone you trust to support you when the emotions feel overwhelming.
To make this support system even stronger, consider creating a code word or phrase that signals you’re struggling and need a listening ear. It could be something as simple as “I need a break” or “cloudy skies.” Having this in place makes it easier to reach out when words are hard to find.
3. Write a Letter to Your Loved One
Sit down with pen and paper (or your journal) and pour your heart out. Tell your loved one how much you miss them, share the emotions you’ve been carrying, and reflect on cherished memories. This practice can be cathartic, offering both a sense of connection and a way to process complex emotions.
4. Make an Exit Plan
Grief can make social situations feel unpredictable and overwhelming. To help ease this, have an exit plan in place. Whether you’re attending a holiday party or family dinner, talk with your grief buddy or host in advance about leaving early if things get too difficult. Having a plan gives you the confidence to show up while honoring your boundaries.
5. Face Your Triggers Intentionally
It’s natural to want to avoid the people, places, or experiences that remind you of your loss. While this instinct is valid, avoiding triggers indefinitely can make them seem larger and scarier over time.
Instead, consider facing them head-on with intention. For example, if attending a family tradition feels overwhelming, try going for a short amount of time with a clear plan for self-care afterward. This approach may be hard, but it often brings a sense of accomplishment. Each time you confront a trigger, it can feel a little less daunting, creating space for healing and growth.
6. Watch a Movie That Brings Your Feelings to the Surface
Sometimes, we need a nudge to let those tears flow. Watching a sad or nostalgic movie can help bring your emotions to the surface, providing a safe and intentional space to release them. Crying is an important emotional release—it’s not a sign of weakness, but rather a natural part of healing.
Why Is This Important?
Grief has a way of filling up our emotional “cup” until it overflows, often at inconvenient or surprising moments. By proactively addressing our feelings, we release some of that emotional buildup. These intentional moments of release can help us feel more grounded, making it easier to navigate the inevitable ups and downs of the season.
Making Space for Joy
Actively participating in your grief isn’t about “fixing” or “getting over” it—it’s about creating balance. When we honor our pain and allow ourselves to feel it fully, we make room for joy to coexist alongside it. This joy might come in small, unexpected moments: laughter at a family dinner, the comfort of a warm hug, or the simple pleasure of decorating a tree.
Grief and joy are not opposites—they can live together. By making space for both, you’re giving yourself the gift of a more authentic and meaningful holiday season.
Final Thoughts
The holidays are hard, and there’s no “right” way to grieve. But by approaching your grief with intention and self-compassion, you can find ways to carry it while also embracing moments of happiness.
If you’re struggling to find the balance, know that you’re not alone. This journey is deeply personal, but it’s also one that many of us share. I’d love to hear from you—what strategies have helped you navigate grief during the holidays? My inbox is always open!
